In my last post, for those who could see it, I started with the counter curse for the Canterville Ghost.

When a Golden Girl can win prayer from out the lips of sin.  When the barren almond bares and a child gives forth her tears.  Then shall all the house be still and peace come to Canterville.

I have been told I need to do something.  But that something leaves me apprehensive.  I worry a lot. 

I swear, if I stopped worrying one day, I think I just might croak. 

I also found out my one roommate knows exercises.  Yeah!!! I won't have to flounder around and be confused as to what to do. 

I have been reading a book and have gotten some interesting info from it.  I was reading a section on what children sense in a garden and I got this strange bolt of thought about The Sun from Tarot.  It was awesome and yet mildly disturbing.  I now understand part of the card even better. 

Summer is almost upon us.  I know for some that is Memorial Day, for others Midsummer.  For me, summer begins around Beltaine.  It makes Autumn last longer if I start Autumn on Lamas and going back about 3 months puts Summer starting around Beltaine. 

I have an opportunity to go to one event this year before all my Earned Time Off is used up.  I could go to gathering sponsored by a group from Minnesota, that takes place over Midsummer in Wisconsin for about 4 days of ETO.  I could go to another gathering, instead, which takes place just after Lamas, Lughnasadh, Lunasa in Minnesota near Albert Lea and I would have more ETO if I don't go to the first one.

I don't know what to do.  My friends go to both but the first one, Earth House, at Midsummer, some of my friends are on the event commitee.  Okay, so they are the group that sponsors it.  However, they love Sacred Harvest Fest, the Lamas gathering and they often go to that too.  My house-mate is seriously thinking of going to SHF and not to EH. 

I just wish I knew which one to go to.  I have been to EH in the past, but that was years ago.  I have never been to a SHF. 

I guess I'll have to make some decision and soon.  Wish me luck, wish me love, wish me happy choices. 

I have had a few akward moments in life.  Mostly, lately, they have been all too "normal", for lack of a better word.  I was at a show put on by a transgender person and in one point there was something shocking.  I, however, was not shocked as much as intrigued by what I saw.  It was more of an "oh, so that is what is" sort of thing for me. 

I was told to not let the cat out and thought I had heard to put the cat out and did.  I tried catching the varment, but she was too fast and slick.  A spry fey critter if I ever saw one. 

I have been bugging people at work and I think my supervisor wonders if I work or e-mail all day long.  She has no idea that I actually bust my butt, but because of all the corrections of my errors and some of the research which can take several minutes to make certain something is processed correctly, it looks like I don't do much.  My productivity numbers actually look low because we are not allowed to count corrections as productive time and research is not counted as seperate, but as part of the processing time which means less things get processed and so you do less work, less productivity. 

I know I have to learn how to just be.  I am always trying to be me, too hard at times, that I forget just who I am.  I am me. 

Since I have been re-reading my Dilbert books, I have started to think like the characters as far as my humor goes.  Sometimes it is a simple twist, like when my friend Lou, short for Louise, said she would be mad at me if I ducked out of getting a shot. 

I had to ask if we had gone "a fowl".  I also asked "what is ducking? Isn't that what they used to do to Witches and called it ducking instead of dunking, with water to see if they floated or as torture to extract a confession?" 

Yeah.  I can be quite the comedian.  And yes, I prefer to be called a Wiccan or Wican, as you care to spell it, but I will accept the term Witch as I do not break my oaths, so I can not be a Warlock.   

I remember seeing something and hearing about it and knowing what is was as it was presented.  I did not actually grasp what was meant by it other than as it was explained and what I understood from the presentation.  This week-end I got to experience it, first hand.  I can not put it into words.  What is consist of follows:

People will tell you that drumming will cause ecstatic states and rhythms are things which touch the soul.  To have it flood you  and pulse through you like your own blood and heart beat.....it defies description, it can only be experienced. 

I have a friend who gave a book, among many books either self imposed of from other friends that I need to or have been told to read.  This book on the Way of the Peaceful Warrior has brought to my mind a few of my own experiences. 

I have been told I would make a great Librarian.  I have been told I have remarkable access to the Akashic Records.  A person who access records is, in a way, a Librarian.  I never before linked the two things together. 

I was in a cafe reading part of a 40 page chapter in the book that I reference above.  The book which brought to my mind the thoughts about being a Librarian.  I know I am so much more and this is only a part of me. 

I have many parts of me, all with strengths and weaknesses.  Example: while getting coffee at the cafe, I overheard a few people making some comments and they were not quiet about it.  There was a woman who made a comment that I felt somewhat offended by, but I said nothing.  The worst part of it was that the comment suddenly turned most of the cafe suddenly on edge.  It was as if we were waiting for a fight to break out, but no one dared to move.  The woman and her friend(s) eventually left and all went back to "normal". 

The problem with the comment was that while it was about one patron or some one else at the cafe, it could have been about any one of the patrons or even the staff at the cafe.  If she had this problem with one person, then why go were similar persons are apt to hang out?  No one spoke to her, to my knowledge.  Most of us didn't dare, but if the others were like me, they must have thought how rude to come to a place that is for people like me and make such defamatory comments in your ignorance about some one who is like me. 

I am often reminded of my imagination.  I sometimes feel like I am wandering through a dream and it my life. 

I have had some things I wish I would undo.  I have had others I would never want to miss.  Then there is the feelings.  Not those emotions, but physical touches. 

I have felt like I am being kissed.  I have felt like I am being held.  I have felt like there is some one lying next to me in bed, only to look and feel the cold emptiness of the space where this "phantom" was just moments ago. 

I don't know why I can do that, or even how.  I don't always invoke them, sometimes they just happen, all on their own.  I am not haunted or cursed or anything like that.  It is as if I can feel a lover that should be there but isn't. 

I know that people might say I am halucinating.  I don't know how I could be.  I have taken nothing to alter my perseptions and at times I have been wide awake and busy doing something like putting dishes away and focused on the task at hand. 

Don't know what is going on.  As if I am missing something that is not that obvious, but it should be.  Something that is right infront of me and I can't see it because I am focussing else where.  What could it be?